But failure - that's another story.
Last week I had one of those heart-shattering experiences. One that makes you doubt what you're doing, why you're doing it, and whether you're actually cut out for it. I'm not going to go into the details, but it was for placement and my first real attempt at executing something I had planned on my own.
On paper,my plans looked great. Well thought out and carefully planned.
In practice, I bombed out spectacularly.
Prior to this, I had been living in a safe little cocoon, one where I knew my strengths and weaknesses, my skills and abilities - and never strayed from them. I plan until things all work out beautifully hypothetically, and then I plan some more, just in case. Over the past twelve months I have been doing a lot of personal development in this area, through my study, placements and during the Wodonga City Council's Youth Leadership Program. I had learnt to trust my gut, felt my own ideas had credit, and was just starting to ease myself out of my comfort zone.
On that day last week, I wanted to shut myself away in study and housewife land where it was safe and never, ever venture out again.
I was mad at myself for putting myself out there, to just fall flat on my face. I was upset that I didn't perform at the standard I had expected myself too. I was anxious at the idea of having to return and try again. I feared all of that hard work I had put in over the past twelve months had been unraveled and wasted.
It's been almost a week, and I've had a lot of time to reflect.
I'm actually now thankful for the experience. I have already learnt to tackle this thing I plan from a different angle, and to have contingencies. Sure, I'm beyond anxious about returning again soon, but I'm building resilience by doing so.
And really, if that's how bad failure (in this context, I'm sure there's a lot worse out there) feels, then hey, I can handle it.
I started thinking about the people I admire and what they have achieved. I'm sure they had many set-backs and I doubt they were perfect on their first day.
Someone at Leadership last year actually said to me "don't be afraid of failure". I'm really thankful for that simple piece of advice, a seed really, that was planted back then.
So this experience has turned into something that symbolises other parts of my life. Time to put myself back out there, I have a lot more to give.
