The face that says "Hi, I'm a parent and I handle everything super well and everything is wonderful and I'm amazing at life".
Today is not one of those days.
I woke up this morning with big storm clouds swirling around in my head. I can't remember the last time I got a decent nights sleep - pretty sure I was awake every two hours last night. My house is a disaster zone, I haven't been on top of housework all week. I have a to-do list a mile long, and half the things on that list are half-planned and confusing. I have two assessments to start. I feel like I'm not spending enough time engaging with Boo. I haven't been looking after myself well lately.
Life is starting to spiral out of control and I am struggling to get it together.
I'm stressed, tense, anxious and starting to show my warning signs of a relapse into depression.
I am far from functioning well.
So why am I posting this?
I'm not after sympathy. I'm not even really whinging and moaning about life. And I'm certainly not after any kind of help. In fact, I already have a management plan ready to go.
A lot of the time I feel there is so much pressure on mothers to appear to function perfectly.To be the best mother. The best housekeeper. To work or study or both, and to thrive. To have a social life. To balance it all perfectly. And so that's what we show the world.
Who does all this pressure come from? Good Question. Probably everywhere - other mums, media, etc etc etc. But mostly - I think it comes from ourselves.
No one really wants to admit that they struggle being a parent; apparently it implies that we fail. But that also means that we're carrying a lot of the internal struggle alone. What point is there in that, when the vast majority of us go through the same things?
It's so easy to filter ourselves - both in person and online. I believe in being honest and real with people. It is so important to acknowledge that we have our bad days too. We can't be perfect all of the time. Even half of the time. Or any of the time. And we should support each other to realise that and give ourselves a break.
Today, I suck at life. And that's okay.
Thanks Jess, love this. So what needs to be heard, to stop getting trapped by our own expectations or those of others and to be real! That perfect image we aim for in our heads, we are never going to get there, we can't. Life is a journey, where we can't play the perfect part, we learn to look at who did the perfect part for us. Jesus. Who did what we cant yet paid it for us. We have freedom, not to fall victim to the expectations of the world, but who we are in him, or who we can't be without him. We are free, so lets get real!
ReplyDelete'Today I suck at life, and that's okay'
ReplyDeleteFar more profound than you probably realise
Love it Jess! Today I said 'no, I don't want to' to a lunch invitation to the pastors house and went to bed for the afternoon instead.
ReplyDeleteMy verse for this week has been:
Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Am very glad that God is God and not me... otherwise it would say:
The grouchyness of the mummy never ceases;
Her mercies are dependent upon the behaviour of her family and her hormonal state.
they continue every morning from the day before
great is her feralness....
This is my favourite thing ever.
Delete